It's been a while since I blogged anything due to my health and frankly the pain it has brought down on me. Most people reading this wont understand it all and the 1 maybe 2 or three that do know me and my health issue might have a clue. But the truth of the matter is folks it sucks.. being in chronic pain 24/7/365 from something you can't control and most people don't see as being a big issue. Well it is. It has No cure, its an obscure thing related to a common problem a lot of people suffer from but its a mutant and Doctors really don't know a hell of lot about it and there are at best mediocre half-ass therapies and half medications that do any good. Tarda lymphodema.. I have learned to hate that name but there it is.. a disease no one know much about never speaks about and everyone thinks its easy to deal with. It isn't. Its not so cut and dried people. this is something that begins as one thing mutates into another and control and takes away your life slowly.. or quickly if you are born with it like I was and it was dormant. People assume its nothing major because of its relative relation to the commonly known issue of Varicose veins. Your wrong. it is major and not much is known about or can be done about it once it begins to spread and that where the pain comes in. Constantly swollen limbs that feel like lead weights contorted into stabbing, pounding and jabbing pain from feet to back, enough to make your stomach twist with nausea. that's what I live with daily and have had to cope with for almost 8yrs now until recently I found a medication that helps to "dull" that pain. But in return for living mostly semi pain free I live in a semi drugged haze as fentynal is more powerful then morphine and more addictive.
Yes, I can function most of the time but would you want to live a half life in a dope haze? I don't but that's what I do to be out of chronic pain all the time. But what burns my ass folks is being judged. Yes I said being Judged, called LAZY and other critisims because I sleep a lot now more then ever. That people don't understand even with pain medication I still hurt and with the medication I am also drugged up. Being "convicted and jailed" to a home 24hrs a day unless I have no choice but to go out is no way to live. I have a car yes but am I comfortable driving while on medication? No. DO people understand this? Nope. I've been made to feel like my illness is an inconvience to people, Or its not that bad. How would you know hrmm? DO you live with swollen legs 24/7? do you live in a world where you can't even wear normal shoes or pants anymore thanks to the mass swelling of your legs? Nope.. didn't think so. Has your self esteem taken a major blow because you can't even control your weight anymore? If no is the answer to most of those questions then you have no Idea what life I lead so please stop judging me. I wanted to blog this because even I get tired of Peoples lack of empathy,understand and in general their overwhelming need to dismiss this like its nothing major. It is major, its stripped me of having a normal life.
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